we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
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