im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
