On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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