it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
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dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
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