We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
