Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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