I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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