I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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