I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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