Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Randomize
