I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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