I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
