it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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