you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
