The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
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