Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
