That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I need to align my fucking chakras
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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