you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.