idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink