Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
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Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
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Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating