She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.