Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.