she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?