I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Apple has a Lot to Explain to iPhone X Customers
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
People Asked The Internet Questions About their Private Parts And The Results Are Hilarious
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.