I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
