Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
