i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
