Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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