He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
