I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm just crazy horny about you
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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