omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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