He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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