Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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