i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
