thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I did not marry a roomba.
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