I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
