I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
