I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
