Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
