Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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