So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
