Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
