I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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