we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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