I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
My cat gives me a boner
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
