I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
