A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
