And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
