I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
