Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
