hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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