You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
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He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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