Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
