I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
