Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
