dude i'm inner monologue high
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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