You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
