did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
