Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
