After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
