when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize