did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
