Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
