I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
