Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
