i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
