maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
