How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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