We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
