very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
