Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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