I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
i believe in u and ur pee
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