The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm like, not good at living.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
