I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
this beer tastes like vomit already
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
