I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
